It seems like you tend a bar. How hard could that be?

Coles law

In the voice of Nelson Muntz: “Nobody spies on our citizens but us!”

The Australian government tried to straight up ban encryption some years ago.

Rust is a scrappy pimply kid vs a US Marine (still with pimples).

Ada is just two redacted pictures

I always wear a condom when I log into Facebook, so I should be safe

And put some goddamn plants under it.

You haven’t followed the proper tech troubleshooting ritual:

1. Yell at it
2. Ask nicely
3. Blood sacrifice
4. Lament
5. Instigate violence (hit it)
6. Completely disassemble and rebuild it
7. It inexplicably works fine
8. ( ◡̀_◡́)

US military: “Perfection.”

Hook up my US Robotics 56k modem and dial up to the internet, where I can chat with hot babes

I’ll be in my bunk.

I just use a mouse to type in stuff using the on screen keyboard. It’s annoying having to take the ball out and clean it, but you get used to it.

Did you know you can just buy a vending machine and put whatever you want in it? Vodka, blunts, heroin, Irn Bru, anything.

If you have to ask, you can’t afford it

This is a green flag for me

It powers a massage chair for the driver

Or a very niche onlyfans camgirl

Just like a vape stick.

The emus have trains now?!

I actually had a nightmare last night that my computer updated itself to some horrid version of windows and I spent it all frantically looking for my windows 7 ISO and keygen among old backups to blow it away and start again.