I know there is revolt as a FOSS alternative to discord but it’s not federated.
Matrix and clients for it like Element have always been my go to for federated chat like discord/teams/mattersmost. The main missing feature is voice channels imho.
The lack of voice channels is huge for something that looks like it is trying to be a discord alternative. I really can’t believe it still isn’t really implemented.
Honestly though even setting aside the lack of voice channels there is a bigger issue. Getting people to switch to something like matrix. I have so much trouble trying to get my group to switch to ANYTHING new. Tried to get them to switch from iMessage to telegram or signal. They tried it for a day and then went back. Getting them to switch from razer comms to discord was even a removed back in the day. People just don’t like trying new things.
Sorry for the rant I just find this endlessly frustrating. Lol.
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To be fair, Matrix is not exactly trying to be a “discord alternative” so much as an “all messaging platforms alternative”, but it’s still embarrassing that this feature is not present yet. It’s been heavily requested by the discord crowd for years, and should have been a higher priority.
As for friends switching, at least Matrix has bridges and puppeting/double-puppeting support. Unfortunately, I don’t think discord voice channel bridging/puppeting will ever work, so it’s really not that useful in this instance. I know ripcord has voice channel interop so it is technically possible, but it’s probably too hacky/abusive to put in officially, and it would probably only work with puppeting.
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Matrix is your best bet.